Black Spandex
by Caela Illu
Summary: Uchiha Itachi generally minds his own business. But when Haruno Sakura gets mad at his brother, he observes mildly... Non-Massacre AU ItaSaku Prequel to The Secret Kunoichi Class


Black Spandex

Most people would at least experience some sort of trepidation if they saw tree after tree begin to topple over the horizon, the line of destruction slowly but surely making its way toward their direction, but Uchiha Itachi merely raised his eyes from his book for a moment.

Uchiha Itachi was not like most people. Even as a shinobi in a village filled with shinobi, he was apart from the rest thanks to his brilliance, his physical prowess and of course, the blood-red color beneath his dark irises.

However, Uchiha Itachi was like most people in the sense that he cared for his younger brother. But once again, unlike most people, he would not show it openly. But when he saw Sasuke, Naruto and Sai emerge from the Forest of Death supporting each other, he stood up and was almost alarmed.

But the sound of a feral, but very female snarl followed by an exclamation of, "Get back here you bunch perverts! Get back here so I can peel the skin from you and flay the muscles from your bones!"

The tension disappeared from ITachi just as suddenly as it had coiled around him and he sat back down on the bench, but he did not return to his book. He looked to his side, where another man was already seated, and had a book in hand as well.

"Yo." Hatake Kakashi's single exposed eye crinkled in greeting and Itachi nodded back, noting the Jounin's orange book, "Nice to see you relaxing a bit, Uchiha-san."

"I had some spare time. You have just arrived from your mission?" he asked quietly, his eyes still on the three teenage boys in the clearing.

In the moment between his question and Kakashi's reply, the three boys turned into fifty, as Naruto after Naruto faced the line of toppling trees.

"Just now. We were supposed to arrive later in the evening but the kids got impatient." Again the eye crinkled and the silver-haired Jounin gestured to the situation on the field, "May I ask, Uchiha-san, were you and your former team as…dynamic as this?"

Sasuke had just glanced in the direction of the ANBU Captain and his sensei. A look of horror dawned on the younger Uchiha's face upon realizing his older brother was here.

Itachi merely stared back, nonplussed and non-committal, despite the expression on Sasuke's face.

"No. We would have given the mission report to the Hokage by now."

"Ah. Thanks for reminding me. I was just making sure things didn't get out of hand here." He looked upon the field, which was now filled with seventy orange bunshins and a variety of ink monsters. A large tree landed among the clones and a fourth was sent up in smoke. Another feral cry was heard.

"Whose idea was it?! Tell me who! Naruto, Sasuke, Sai, you guys get back here right now or so help me I'll rip your spines out with my bare hands!"

Then the source of the cry appeared, all pink hair, flashing green eyes and…nothing much more than that. Everything else about Haruno Sakura was creamy, fair skin and a black string bikini.

At this, the stoic Uchiha's eyes went wide.

And Sharingan-red.

For just a moment.

But the sight of his brother's female team mate was already burned into his retinas.

Especially the way her chest heaved just before she growled rather like a lioness and how she spread her legs in a stance before she uprooted another tree and swung it in a great arc, bunshins dissipating, ink monsters dissolving and the other members of Team 7 jumping back.

Suddenly, his vision was blocked by a picture of a man and a woman engaged in a very heated position of foreplay in various stages of deshabille.

"Please excuse my rudeness, Uchiha-san. I'm sure you wouldn't want to see something as perverted as my students' antics." Again, the eye crinkled as the older Jounin held the latest volume of Icha Icha Paradise before the heir of the Uchiha clan. At this, Itachi looked at Kakashi and silently questioned the man's definition of perversion.

"Okay, that's enough everyone. Sakura, you better cover up, we have an audience."

A small moment of silence ensued before a high-pitched scream pierced the air and the three boys found themselves tugging their shirts off all at the same time after realizing another male outside Team 7 had seen their single female member in a black string bikini.

When the offensive book was finally pulled away, the older Uchiha was looking at the most peculiar sight.

The four younger members of Team 7 were either naked from the waist up or the hips down. Behind two pale, lean torsos and a bulkier tanned one were a pair of lithe, slender legs which disappeared into layer after layer of black midriff, blue Uchiha clan shirt and orange jacket.

Itachi looked as calm as ever, but it was hard to forget what was under all those layers of clothing at the moment. Of sudden great interest and vivid imagery in his mind was the flatness of her stomach and how the muscles there defined themselves while she swung the tree…

He narrowed his eyes at his brother, more out of curiosity than irritation, as to how his younger brother could find himself in situations such as these. He began to think that the kind of influence exerted by Team 7 over Sasuke should be re-evaluated. It was uncharacteristic of the younger Uchiha to be engaged in such frivolous activities.

Haruno Sakura had her face in her hands, her skin tinged a becomingly deep blush all the way to her ears while Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto and Sai blocked Itachi's view of her legs, trying to look menacing, even crossing their arms for effect.

"Augh! I hate you all!" Sakura exclaimed, after which Itachi saw the three shinobi topple to the ground in graceless heaps one after another, "What did I ever do to deserve a bunch of perverted morons?!"

Out of reflex, Itachi's Sharingan activated and saw the bright flare of chakra at the medic's fingertips and how the three boys' spines seemed to be enveloped in a green glow. It was a simple and effective technique which required intimate knowledge of the spinal chord's structure and chakra control far above his own. It was an interesting technique to memorize, but he was rather disappointed he would not be able to utilize it.

So she wasn't the third best medic in the village for nothing. And she looked exquisitely lithe and powerful in black.

"Fun's over, I guess," Kakashi stood up beside him and pocketed the Icha Icha while waving to his students. "Ramen time! My treat!"

"Aw, Sakura-chan! You know we didn't mean it! How could I know it didn't dissolve in water?!" Naruto whined, his body immobile as he twisted his neck to look back at his embarrassed teammate.

"It was the Dobe's idea. I just wanted to see if what he said was true." He heard his brother say as the latter glared into the ground.

A numbing medical jutsu, Itachi surmised, by the way the three boys were only able to move body parts above the shoulders.

"Do not worry, Ugly, you are not shapely enough for those clothes to flatter your board-like body, so I will merely purchase clothes more suitable to your boyish figure," offered Sai, who smiled in a way that seemed to the elder Uchiha, more empty than the bottom of a dry well.

"Sai, shut up you're only making it worse! Please put our nerves back, Sakura-chan, I don't want to stay here like this for the next two hours! I'm sorry we melted all your mission clothes!"

"Sakura. We know already. We won't do it again." At this blatant (at least for the Uchiha) display of helplessness, Itachi crossed his arms, and continued to watch his brother grovel. He did not know if he enjoyed it or not, but seeing his brother act so familiarly and shamefully piqued his interest. The only other time he had seen Sasuke like this was when their mother berated them for their lack of social interaction and romantic female companions.

Itachi regarded the Hokage's apprentice while she regarded her teammates. He found her upset countenance to be rather amusing and entertaining to watch, especially that it was directed at three useless shinobi, completely immobile at her feet.

That, and he could say for the first time that her jutsu and her legs were nice to look at.

Especially with the Sharingan.

The Hokage's apprentice let out an indignant and still, feral growl, her hands in fists clenched at her sides. She stared long and hard at the three boys, one still pleading in a most shameless manner, one ordering her to remove her chakra 'right this moment or I'll summon something' and another smiling like a refrigerator magnet.

To Naruto, she bit out, "If you ever, as in ever, try anything that perverted old man gave or taught you on me or my property again, I will castrate you and feed your balls to Orochimaru." And promptly kicked his prone form from one end of the clearing to the other

To Sasuke, she whispered in his ear, "You should know better than to mess with me Uchiha. Or let your ape of a best friend do it as well." And punched the ground next to his ear in a chakra-enhance fist. "Next time it will be your face."

She stared hard at a still-smiling Sai before kicking him a little less gently than Naruto. He still landed a good ten feet away.

She glared at Kakashi who smiled indulgingly at her after promising to do the mission report .

Finally, after Itachi thought that she had not acknowledged his presence at all, she looked up at him.

To Itachi, she looked like she was either about to throw up or throw a kunai at him.

A long moment passed, and she did neither, just tugged down at Naruto's jacket in an unsuccessful attempt to cover up the lower half of the bikini and stalked away in an angry, fuming huff.

Itachi watched her go until she leaped up into the trees, presumably decided to take the long route home, to avoid as much people from seeing her state of dress as possible.

She offered him another view of her derriere just as she crested her jump.

Thus, Itachi was not like most people in the sense that he had seen Haruno Sakura in a black bikini, while her three other teammates, all accomplished, powerful shinobi, languished in nerve-blocked immobility before him.

He saw how his brother was glaring at him.

"Aniki."

He sat back down and debated whether to help his brother or not.

After a few minutes, Itachi decided that he would, as thanks for being able to watch an interesting jutsu and swaths of creamy skin punctuated by skimpy, black spandex.

~end

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Author's Note:

My first Naruto fanfic. I hope you like it. ^_^ This is a somewhat-prologue to a multichaptered CRACK smutty Itasaku I'm working on.

Reviews are most welcome ^_^


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